The Myth of Google’s First Page

It was getting late at the Apollo Diner when a thin, tallish dark-haired, fair-skinned blondish fat man carrying a small brown bag under his arm approached me while I sat next to the bathrooms.  “Hey,” he said, his eyes darting around the room.  “Anybody using that?” nodding towards the doors.  “Which one?” I answered without looking up.

He was unsure so I pointed to that one, saying it was free for $2.00 donation, when he blurted-out under his breath, “Did you bring the three large?”

I always thought I’d be cool under pressure, but I froze, staring down at my half empty cup of coffee. Or was it half full?

It was Markus Allen. You know, the original, lives in Lancaster PA, geeky “I wrote my whole website in HTML code,” Internet search engine guru who runs his whole site from just a Mac Mini affixed to a 23-inch Apple monitor.  “Did you bring it?” he reinforced.  “Yea.” I said, still not knowing what he was referring to.

“OK,” he continued. “Here’s how to get on the first page of Google.”  He was speaking ever so quietly now as he said “Google” as if they were listening, as if they were everywhere.  I leaned over and listened intently.

“Find a forum that gets indexed by Google every 15 minutes.

Next, post a subject line with your keyword phrase mixed in with one of these powerful words: Advantage, Fast, Gain, Guaranteed, Help, How-to, Lose, Solve, These, Truth, Tips, Trust, Amazing, Results.

For example:

The truth about direct marketing strategies.

When posting a message, use your keyword phrase twice… once in the first sentence of your post and in the last sentence of your post.

And here’s another important part — you need other forum members to keep the post alive by replying to the original post, so end your post with a thought-provoking question.

For example:

Do you agree with me here?

Ending with a question subconsciously triggers the forum members to reply… and when they reply, your post remains on the main index page — ultimately picked up by Google’s crawlers.”

“You can get to the top page… within the hour,” he looked around and under his breath, almost whispered, “on Google.”  “It may only last a day or two, but you’re on the top, the top of the first page…” he said with a smile, his last words began trailing off as he now stared at the front door of the diner.

Just then the diner door burst open and four men in black sweatshirts with the word Google across their chest rushed in and headed directly back towards our table.  Markus stared at me with a troubled look on his face as he sprang up in a well rehearsed move and pushed open the door marked “Unsure” and went in, the door slamming behind him.

The men – not 5 seconds later – rushed right past me and into the same room, coming back out almost immediately and without saying a word, and left the diner.  A few moments went by and I slowly got up and pushed open the door marked “Unsure.”  There was nothing.  No other door. No window.  And no Markus.

As I stood there shocked, I noticed a tiny strip of paper on the floor the size of a fortune in a fortune cookie, that simply said http://www.marketing-ideas.org/The-Secrets.  It was Markus Allen’s site. I slipped it into my pocket and left.

That’s why all the SEO articles you read are just Blah Blah Blah… and don’t mean anything.  And that’s how you really get on the first page of… uhh… shhh… Google.

– Jeffrey